Venskab Essay Format

venner for livet

Nære venskaber gør os til bedre mennesker

Vi bruger ikke lige så lang tid i fast parforhold, som tidligere generationer gjorde, og det giver mere plads til nære venner gennem et liv. Og det er måske slet ikke så skidt, for vi bliver faktisk bedre mennesker af at dyrke det nære venskab, siger den norske filosof Helge Svare.

Venskab er det mest nødvendige for at lykkes som menneske, mente den græske filosof Aristoteles. For der findes ikke noget, der kan udvikle os mere.

Vi længes alle efter nærhed med andre. Familiens funktion er under pres, og vi vælger i stigende grad venner til.

Men er venner vores nye familie? Hvis venner er så vigtige, hvorfor har vi så ikke tid til dem? Hvorfor taler kvinder om følelser, mens mænd taler om job? Er facebookvenner rigtige venner? Og hvordan finder man nye venner i en moden alder?

Dette er den sidste artikel i Politikens serie ’Venner for livet’.

Mellem bogtyngede reoler fra gulv til loft, et par indeklemte stole og en enkelt efeu, der strækker sig ud i rummet fra en hængende urtepotteskjuler i loftet, sidder 56-årige Helge Svare. Han er filosof og forskningsleder på Høgskolen i Oslo og Akershus i det centrale Oslo. Og siden han som yngre opdagede, at venneflokken pludselig begyndte at svinde ind, da han nåede ind i 30’erne, har han interesseret sig for venskaber. Som forsker står han på en bund af tænkere som Aristoteles, Cicero, Bacon og Kant og spæder op med ny forskning om venskabets betydning. Han er formentlig den forsker i Norden, der ved mest om, hvorfor vi danner venskaber, og hvad venskaber gør ved os.

»Et nært venskab kan ikke opstå uden tiltrækning«, siger han.

»Det handler om at kunne lide den måde, den anden betragter verden på. Jeg har en ven, som er fantastisk at være sammen med, fordi han oplever alt så intenst. De mindste ting bliver næsten magiske. Når et venskab opstår, gribes vi af det menneske, vi ser. Det sker spontant, nærmest som en overraskelse«.

Det lyder næsten som en forelskelse – hvad er forskellen på tiltrækningen i en forelskelse og i et nært venskab?

Han sidder et øjeblik og kigger ind i bogreolen foran os. Som om han har brug for tid til at vælge sine ord.

»Forskellen kan være ganske lille«, siger han så.

Det minder om forelskelse

Ødelægger forelskelse et venskab?

»Det er svært at tale om det her, for ordene bliver let så absolutte«, siger han og forsøger sig alligevel:

»Man kan opleve noget i et venskab, der minder om forelskelse, fordi der er en form for kærlighed i det. Men der er også vigtige forskelle. Når man oplever ’forelskelse’ i et venskab, har man sædvanligvis ikke lyst til sex med vennen«.

I den klassiske filosofi beskrives forskellige typer kærlighed. Der er den begærlige eros-kærlighed, og der er caritas-kærlighed, der er centreret i omsorg. Det er de to kærlighedstyper, der afgør den forskel, han forsøger at finde ord for.

Læs også:Livet i 30'erne er hårdt ved venskaberne: »Det kan være svært at mobilisere overskud til andet end at sidde i sofaen«

»Begæret bliver ofte beskrevet som en sult, man føler, hvis ikke man er sammen med den, man elsker. Er man meget forelsket, gør det nærmest ondt at være væk fra den anden. I de fleste venskaber kan man tåle at være væk fra hinanden, der er en iboende bevægelsesfrihed. Man har ikke et ustyrligt behov for at være sammen hele tiden, men kan gå ind og ud af hinanden, uden at det gør noget til eller fra for vores opfattelse af relationens dybde«, siger han og giver et eksempel:

»Hvis en kæreste siger, at hun flytter til New Zealand, føler vi, at relationen er truet – vi betragter det som et brud. Siger en ven det samme, bliver vi begejstret på den andens vegne og glæder os over, at hun kan komme afsted. Så forelskelse kan eksistere i et venskab, men den får ikke et krævende udtryk«.

Det intime venskab

Gennem historien har vores forståelse af venskaber været knyttet til vores forestillinger om parforhold. Den kultur- og idehistoriske fortælling om venskaber kan give redskaber til at forstå, hvorfor vi i dag i stigende grad knytter os til vores venner frem for vores nærmeste familie.

»Den tid, vi tilbringer i parforhold, er langt kortere i dag end i tidligere generationer: Vi gifter os senere, bliver hyppigere skilt. Vi vil bruge vores tid sammen med mennesker, vi virkelig godt kan lide. Og derfor er venskaber i dag de mest stabile relationer, vi har«, siger han.

Vi skal tilbage til 1700- og 1800-tallet for at finde en dyrkning af venskabet i samme grad, som det sker i dag. Dengang var ægteskaberne arrangerede, og man fandt den ypperste grad af intimitet hos nære venner.

@afraalkhulaifi i have a 7500+ word dissertation to start immediately after submission of this one. fun times. fun times.

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